Fear of Rising Oil Prices Cause Protest Among Corn Monsters

AP- KANSAS

Even in the shadow of plummeting oil prices great protests and fury arose today from Mid-American corn states as gigantic corn monsters, worried about a return of outrageous crude oil prices and the search for alternative fuel sources, galloped towards local heads of municipalities. 

“Sure rising oil prices concern us,” said Frank the Corn Monster. “We may not drive and have little personal use for it but the very nature of its affordability effects our very survival, if not standard of living.”

Corn monsters rarely seen by the everyday person tend to stay deep within the desolate heat of cornfields happening to prey upon drunken teens and unmarried couples seeking refuge for an hour of debauchery deep within the fields. Now in the drive to find alternative fuels the corn monsters are taking it to the streets. 

“Do you know what ethanol gasoline is made of? That’s right, corn! We are the alpha predator in these parts; we don’t need crazy yokels riding into our fields hunting down myself, my friends or even my wee corns in the hopes of fueling their tractors and Lamborginis. It’s not right; we are to take this all the way to the national government and ask for protection under the Endangered Species Act. If that fails, we are not against eating everyone in this great nation, but that is the extreme because we are by nature pacifists.”

Local authorities have prepared for any major outbreaks in violence by increasing their numbers of aluminum foil and industrial size microwave ovens.