Geesh Beesh, 51st State of America

AP Washington D.C.- 

Earth shattering news struck the continental states of the U.S.A today after a resounding crash was heard similar to shattering mirrors; after the dust had settled what lay before America’s citizens was the long hidden 51st state: Geesh Beesh.

iU.S.S. scientists blame seismic activity in Yellowstone National Park as the cause for the premature unveiling of the newest state in the union. “Deep underground tremors dislodged multiple light refracting mirrors causing them to crash in upon themselves and thus swiftly destroying the entire optical illusion that was created,” said Dominic Evansons a light warping scientist with iU.S.S.

The optical illusion that Evansons speaks of is the entire camouflaging of the second largest state in the union. “Large mirrors had been used to refract the suns rays back into space for a specified amount of distance before it would again come to earth uninhibited. Think of it this way, have you ever been driving to some place and for some reason it is taking far longer than it ever should, there is a reason for that; while the human eye believes it sees what is directly in front of it it is actually seeing miles, sometimes even tens of miles, ahead of itself  but the mind is tricked to believe that it is right before them. If you have experienced this before than you have been driving through a camouflaged track of land. Normally, this is only used on smaller locations like military bases and drive-though only pizza places but with Geesh Beesh it was on a grand scale,” said Evansons

“Not only was there mirrors but there was also the mind control serum that the government placed inside the soles of all shoes sold throughout the world; chemically altering individuals perceptions making them unable to see the vast track of land known as Geesh Beesh; maybe I have said enough already,” continued Evansons before shrinking back into his work among the shadows. 

While the country begins to shake the dust from its eyes little is known about the state of Geesh Beesh and its true purpose. A few facts have leaked out, mostly those of interest to kindergarten students and geography and cartographer junkies.

“I need a new map, come on just one more; one with pretty blues. Just one more it will be my last. You know I’m good for it, just one,” exclaimed one cartographer junkie upon learning that Geesh Beesh’s existence would now call for new maps to be drawn up. 

Geesh Beesh (GB)

Population: 10 million. Mostly made up of secret government operatives, a few extraterrestrials, multiple cattle farmers and one man named Ezra.

Capitol: Lanpoo

Governor: Commander Zopt, Martian Ambassador from Jupiter

Motto: Why can’t I Norwegian rhubarb my turtle flax?

State Flower: The Coughing Tulip

State Tree: The Purple Larch

State Bird: The Whooping Pheasant

State Animal: The Feathered Shrew

State Color: The Color Lemon Yellow

State Insignia: A man blasting through a hippopotamus

State Nickname: The Occult State

 

 

 

(Originally published in a different form in Empty-Headed News Issue #4)