Enormous Naked Robot Attacks Idyllic Town

GOODNESS, Wyoming-

“I am terrified to think what my son might have seen if he wasn’t crushed almost immediately” said one resident of the town of Goodness.

The town was the scene of horrific devastation early yesterday as a giant robot started attacking the homes and businesses of sleeping residents. While ninety percent of the town was razed, the most troubling part of the whole incident to the citizens was not the destruction but the cavalier attire, or lack thereof, of the robotic assailant.  

“It’s not like it was a small robot, something we could have thrown a coat over and forgot about, no it was bigger than our silos even at a distance. There was no stopping its indecency” said Edward Ouswitchens, self-appointed mayor of the town.

“I give you heat. I give you heat” said the robot repeatedly, giving little indication as to why the attack occurred.

“I don’t really care why it happened” said Wayne P. Ishcabible, the town’s sheriff.

“What I want to know is why its creators never bothered to give it a suitable outfit especially knowing that its path of destruction might one day lead to a family-oriented town. But no, it was as naked as a blue jaybird all wires, cables, Cathode Ray Tubes, klystrons, oscilloscopes, transistors, and one pretty well-endowed magnetron. It was horrifying to look upon!”

 “All my daughter keeps saying is ‘I saw a diode, I saw a diode. No matter what I tell her she can’t forget the memory. It will irrevocably damage her and her children, if she even has any now, she’ll probably grow up to be a whore now” said Patricia Scoutsmanical, Leader of the Goodness PTA.

The town of Goodness was first founded by Puritans who decided that their lifestyle far too liberal for their liking; so they moved westward until they found a barren enough climate for their ilk.

“We are like any other town in America” said Jonas Coldtrain, a local gun shop owner.

“There is a post office, a grocery, some churches where we worship on Sundays, parks, a town square, three schools, a library, a hanging tree, police and fire departments, a small hospital, and our bums are sleeping on the sidewalk. We are just like any where else, except in our town we demand pants, especially for gigantic wayward rampaging automatons.”

“This isn’t the first time we have been ‘run over’ by a giant creature” said K. F. Fraes “but the other ones were all pleasantly dressed; it was more of a high social affair.”

 “It must be something about the state of Wyoming,” said Johnson Qa, the town’s bakery chef “a little less than a week ago two mammoth ferrets obliterated the town of Backwater.”

Eyes initially pointed towards A.A.R.G.H. scientists as to a potential source of the robot. “It wasn’t ours,” said Arthur Whippilstips “you might want to look upwards if you want to know where it came from, think RX2F7, but hey, we don’t know for sure.”

 “Luckily, we were able to eventually drive it away” said Frank Hooperwhistle, minister at the First Church of Christ’s Return to Condemn.

“Thank God; we have been hoarding weapons awaiting the next US civil war. They came in handy today; it just goes to prove that when the war does come Goodness will prevail.”

"I give you heat, I give you heat" repeated the giant robot as it destroyed the town.